Simple minded males...

For the past 6 years I have been blessed to be part of an email string that consists of 12 guys arguing, jonesing (to talk rudely about someone in a poetic way), debating, and reminiscing about the good ole fashioned responsibility free college years. We love to talk about everyday life and hear one another's thoughts. Many people believe that because we are so close and can be found doing the stanky leg in disorganized unison at any function including Sunday services or wedding receptions, that we have the same beliefs whether they be political or thoughts towards the marvelous taste of fresh cilantro; or feelings towards topics that include the most controversial debate in modern American history: Popeye's or KFC. As much as we are the same, we are very different. If I told you that we emailed each other everyday, you'd say the emails must be based around sport or anything else that seems to link the male species. No doubt, fat hams in baby phat jeans, Kobe v. Lebron, Training Day v. Deja Vu, are common grounds for 32 emails in a day. BUT, below is an example of an email you may stumble across if you were to have the pleasure and the guts to stomach an email thread set forth by the Commission.
"I first wanted to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart to everybody who was at the wedding. We could not have possibly dreamed of a better wedding weekend and y'all are the ones who made it so special. To share even more memories with our closest friends mean the world to Cheety and myself. I truly love all of y'all and feel blessed to have you in my lives. BJ you were missed but I totally understand- now you just have to come visit Tulsa sometime!

On another note, I have strong feelings about the Vick saga. I really disagree with you K-Rock about the race issue. To me it is definitely race, but digs even deeper into what I feel is the "Color" prejudice that is still extremely prevelant but not really talked about.

I feel that you bring up great points about Kobe and Ray Lewis but if you examine those two closely you will find that these are two black men that white society is much more willing to accept than Vick. Kobe, is a "well-spoken" black man who is not from the hood, scored over 1000 on the SAT, and even spoke Italian publicly! He was the Will Smith of the NBA-America's favorite black man! While, Ray Lewis is not nearly as "commercial" as Kobe, he is still a very intelligent, likable, and once again "well spoken" black man. They are media friendly and more importantly "color friendly" in that they are not dark skinned.

Now Vick on the other hand is conservative white America's worst nightmare. He was a dark skinned, corn-rowed, athletic freak that played the most "Lilly White" position in all of American sports-quarterback. We are STILL not completely past the racial prejudice surrounding the quarterbacking position, nor the head coaching position for that matter. Max can attest for how much racial hatred surrounded Vick even when he was in his prime for the Falcons. Many of white American-red neck football fans do not want an African-American running quarterback and were constantly taking shots at him even though he has the 6th highest winning percentage of any active NFL quarterback!!!

I maintain that if Vick looked more like Jason Kidd, society would be more willing to forgive him. I'm sorry, but like I said during the election, as special as Obama is, if he had looked like Wesley Snipes, he wouldn't even had been in the primaries. America just isn't there yet with all blacks. You have to fit the image that they are comfortable with, or you just have to be a marketing monster such as MJ.

Sorry for the long email, but I have strong feelings on this subject and as a light skinned man, I am still very embarrassed by the prejudice that is still covertly bestowed upon darker skinned people. If I was in school I would try to write a thesis on this- let me know your thoughts!"


That's Real Talk!

Dinero es Tiempo: Child Support, A different language

I was going to write a combination blog that consisted of mixed language. Yo iba hablar en espanol y ingles en este blog in order to show how los estados discuss el apoyo de ninos in a foreign lingua. Basically they say child support in English but really mean, financial advance for the woman raising the child- kind of like providing a stipend for athletes in college. The first 100 dollar bill is for food, the second is a thank you for your hard work. But through that confusion, that little extra money in excess is truly unethical and damaging to the overall goal of the financial system: to provide assistance.

I am writing in regards to the ruling that requires me to pay 3,000 dollars in back child support and has bumped my allocation to 30 percent of my monthly earnings. This is not a letter to plead a case. Nor is this a letter to bash my daughter’s mother-a woman who has done an exceptional job nurturing and allowing me to help raise a remarkable little girl. I have read horror stories of women who have skipped town with children, unbeknownst to the father, leaving behind one of the most important pieces of a child’s life. Although we have definitely had our up and downs, I consider myself lucky on the part of my role in our daughter’s life. Conversely, as a teenager I vowed to never get involved with the law, but as a father, the courts have become a common place of significant proceedings.

This letter does serve as a plea to the courts-A plea that invites the state of Virginia to loosen up the reigns of child support and allow me to support my child. I know that financial responsibility is an essential part in raising children. I know that a father, custodial or non-custodial, rich or poor, has an obligation to support his child/children financially. The state is correct in its pursuit to guarantee every child with the bare necessities of life. Those additional funds from lost fathers are indeed, assistance in confirming success of the mission. But when does that quest become a hunt? When does the dead beat dad effect start to affect good fathers with good intentions, ironically beating them dead? When does that very blanket of security that the state so diligently seeks become a blanket of destruction?

I am a recent graduate. I owe over $40,000 in student loans from 7 years of advanced schooling. I have debt up to my neck and to add flat tires to my commute, I live 3 hours away from my daughter in an economy that is less than favorable. As if those aren’t enough hurdles, I work a job that is less than stellar and requires me to live on site-basically making it a 24 hours a day, 7 days a week occupation. With all of this on the table, I always attempt to make a weekend drive once a month to see my child. Although 48 hours once a month is far less than acceptable in my eyes, it is all I can afford whether it be time or money. I have heard people say that at least you speak to your daughter. "At least you're doing something." "At least, at least..." But as a Man who wants to be the love of his daughter’s life, “at least” is not a phrase I’d like to rest with. But in my current state, I may need to get very comfortable with the bare minimum- minimum time, minimum presence, and minimum fatherhood in exchange for the maximum financial support.

A father, if bold enough to except the challenge, should dare the court to establish guidelines that require him to spend weeks, months, or summers with his child versus monthly payments that require little contact. A father should welcome the opportunity to be a part of his child’s life. A father should be more than willing to do what is best for his child when provided the opportunity. But first and foremost a father needs to be given that chance. When I am given that space and time, I consider myself to be a damn good parent. My daughter would agree.

Quite honestly, I can literally feel and count my opportunities as they slip away. I’ve never missed a court date, never missed a support payment, never said “no” when asked to provide for my daughter (whether it be additional financial, physical or emotional needs), nor have I ever tried to avoid being a part of her life which serve as testaments to my dedication to be there for her. No one has ever traveled 3 hours to bring my daughter to see me. No one has ever given me financial support when I have my daughter for weeks on end. Yet I am asked to pay as if someone does.

These new financial rulings, both back support and 30%, will undoubtedly place me in a category of fathers who become nothing more than a monthly check or telephone voice; Whose heartfelt “I love you” sounds like cash registers and dial tones. Back child support is added to credit reports, in addition to the holding of federal taxes. Fatherhood is beginning to sound like a delinquent credit card statement. My daughter’s well-being is drawing close resemblances to a car note.

Again, this letter is not one to bash the mother of my daughter. I am simply asking that the surface definition and computer operated numbers of what it takes to be a father be momentarily ignored while real individuals, fathers, mothers, sons and daughters, sit and discuss the true meaning of child support.

Respectfully,